Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
