Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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