There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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