you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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