guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
