I wish I could teleport
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
