i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
