16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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