Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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