I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
