I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
