I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
