Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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