Welp...herpes.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
