So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
