I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
