Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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