2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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