Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
