every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
