I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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