if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
