Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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