someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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