I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
