Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
