Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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