she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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