I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
