Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
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Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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