is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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