I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
