I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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