Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
