First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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