I just saw a hot homeless man
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
