Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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