mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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