After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
