I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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