I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
