So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
