Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
