Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
