I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize