they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
