better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
