can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
