what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
