Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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