this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize