i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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