Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
