I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
