We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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