I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
