Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you win again, gameday.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
