You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
