I think my fart just growled at me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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