Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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