the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
