So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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