yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just had sex on a roof
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
