I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
