I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
