just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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